My heart beats loud
in my chest
as the nerves
give way to unrest.
A toxic potion
of anxiety and depression.
I swallowed it whole
and can feel the pressure.
With my mind
I tried to push the weight
but after hours,
I was still in the same place.
Trapped
by my own emotion.
Frantically
grappling with thought erosion.
I’ve sent out the flare
and am waiting on the answer.
Will time bring someone
to be my savior?
Can you carry me?
Because I can’t.
I’ve carried so many so far.
I’ve been used, borrowed, begged and forced.
I can no longer take this course.
Can I ask you how it became this way?
What has changed you to the person so?
I don’t think you know.
Nobody does.
I am sick of this.
I am tired and low.
Can I rely on someone else for once?
Once?
Once!
For me,
not their image of me.
Their projection of me.
The actual me.
I was told that ignorance is bliss.
The older I get,
The more truth I see to it.
For what the ignorant don’t carry, I must.
And it is a long, weary road.
Can you carry me?
Down the pipe.
Water to the curbs.
Bottom of the bottle.
Dead batteries.
Skin with emotion.
Cut wires.
Cyclic stress.
A gurgling sink.
Loss.
A pop in the ear.
The end of a test.
Exodus.
I have been so busy
that my head is spinning.
Round and round,
goes the days.
Cyclic. Uneventful. Mundane.
The stress is building
and like heavy snow
on a small limb,
it is almost time for breaking.
I am exhausted.
My eyes
may fall out of my head.
My legs
they shake
like weeds in the wind.
But I keep walking
to divert the boredom.
Always on the edge.
Light weights become
sore muscles.
Bones ache.
Pain inflames.
It is hard to ignore.
But I keep walking
to divert the boredom.
Always on the edge.
Veins show through
tired skin.
Blood turns thin.
The body runs cold.
Rest is on the other side.
There I can refill
surrounding myself in
milky dreams of comfort.
But do not be fooled.
I didn’t give in.
I keep walking
to divert the boredom.
Always on the edge.
