Sammy

I have never had
to make
a decision like that.

A greater war
my heart
and my mind has never known.

It was pure agony
that brought
me to this place of grief.

It was just five
days ago
that we went for a walk.

You were always so joyous
eyes bright
there was so much life.

I am blaming myself
that I
didn’t take better care.

We had that moment
yesterday
where you came to me for love.

I didn’t know that
would be
our last.

I can’t stop thinking of you
staring
through the crate at me.

With eyes of longing,
had I
only known that was the end.

I love you,
Sammy.
My heart will never forget.

A Question

The man walked slowly up the hill towards the wood. The pinkish hue of the heather skirted his feet, gently waving against him. Past the crest, he pushed into the shadows of the trees. The crone had told him the true path, and he aimed to follow it. There would be no going back.

After the rock with the crooked head, he traced a root that had grown in and out of the soil like a snake. At the end of its burrowed head was a great, ancient oak tree. It’s rugged, black bark coated the exterior like armor. Limbs sprung out from its trunk in a chaotic fashion, twisting and bending from past weather’s bane. Despite its hallowed supporting structure, green leaves ringed the branches displaying a peculiar vibrance.

He cleared his throat and bent a knee to the tree.

“My great faeries, I’ve come to you with a question. Can you so oblige?”

Only the sound of bird song answered him, echoing through the woods. The man scratched his head and reran the crone’s directions through his mind. Yes, he decided, this must be it.

“If you please, faeries, I would like to speak with you. I’ve come a long way.”

Silence met him once more. He bit his lip and rose, cursing as he kicked at a stone.

But then he heard it. The faintest sound of a snicker. Excitement filled him as once more came to a bent knee.

“Faeries, I heard you. Come out at last and show your faces. There is nothing to fear with me.”

Sheepish laughter surrounded the old tree, seemingly coming from all around him. But no faery appeared. The man sighed loudly, becoming annoyed.

“Is there something else you want of me? Some step I seem to have missed, is it?”

“Why don’t you just ask your question instead of wasting our time?” came a tinny voice followed by a cacophony of squeals.

“Very well, then,” the man replied, a bit caught off guard by the sharpness.

But before he spoke his next words, a lone faery made its way forward, no bigger than the palm of a hand but it’s belly as round. The faery arched its eyebrows at the man, waiting.

The man was stunned at the sight of such a tiny being. “Ah…” his words were caught in his mouth.

The faery grinned deviously, “Don’t be fooled. I choose the form I want for the day, and you seem a particularly harmless fellow. A slow one at that, though.”

Then he noticed the more tiny eyes sparkling around the trunk. Hundreds, at least, watched him thoughtfully from beyond an arm’s reach.

“Right, right,” The man regained his composure by taking a deep breath. Then he stated, “I want to know where time went.”

“Where time went?” the main faery asked. “Like the time you have just wasted?”

The man let out a nervous laugh. “Well, yes. But the rest of it as well. Where has it gone?”

“These humans with their outlandish questions,” another voice called out from elsewhere, echoed by a sound of agreeance.

“Is it not with us now?” asked the lead faery.

“I suppose,” answered the man. “But it is also behind us,” he paused and looked spaciously towards the treetop then added, “and beyond us.”

“Impressive thing this time is,” someone interjected. The tree buzzed with laughter until the lead faery summoned for quiet with his hands.

“Have you not answered your own question?” the faery asked. “It seems you do know where time is.”

The man shook his head begrudgingly. “No, no, no. I want to know where it went.”

The faery cocked its head, considering the man. Flitting his wings, he took flight from the harbor of the tree and stationed himself in front of the man’s face. “Why do you want to know where it went?”

He nodded, “I want it back. If I knew where it went, I could get it back.”

Scowls and grimaces could be heard throughout. Several pities and sighs waved through the branches.

The faery held up his hands to prevent another outburst from the audience. “What would you do with it if you got back?”

He relaxed his shoulders, allowing his head to drop slightly. He whispered, “I want to save the world.”

A flurry of gasps flooded the tree; its limbs quivered with he waves of movement as thousands of hands grasped the bark and scrambled to see this man. All the group wanted a look at him now.

The main faery rested his hands on his hips and squinted at the man. “Just you? Is that all you think it takes? One…Man?” his questions had a bitterness to them. The faery shook his head in disgust. “Do you think it is a singular action or some kind of chain of events that can save this world?”

The man fumbled for words, his eyes rounding at the rapid fire from the faery.

“And what, do you suppose, is killing it now? Is doom upon us?”

The man stood and straightened his back. “Enough with all your questions. Will you truly answer my first or not?” He lifted his chin, squarely looking the plump floating figure in the eyes.

A slow, deep laugh rolled from the faery’s lips. “Very well, very well.” He flitted back into the tree; the chorus of eyes following until no being was visible.

The man paced in front of the tree, running the conversation back and forth. He was sure he had said the right things in the rightful order. But there was always a bit of trickery when dealing with the faery folk.

Suddenly, the tree was again lit with twinkling and the large faery returned, a strangely triumphant grin on his face. He flew to the man and perched on his shoulder. The man prickled as the faery whispered in his ear. Within seconds, he finished and flew back to the safety of the tree. The eyes blinked out and the forest felt as it was before.

Dazed by the interaction, the man remained rooted in his position. His thoughts wavered with what the faery had told him. His pulled memories from long ago and dreamed of things to come. But the little being was right. He could see it now, in his own mind. There it was – time.

Shadow

You’ve got patches of grey
and some bald spots.
It’s getting harder for you
to stand attention at the window,
patiently waiting for the pack,
or barking chaotically at a delivery.

You still like to wander
in the backyard.
Catching scents and eyeing
those squirrels on the fence.

Though you spend most of your time sleeping,
somehow you always know when I’ve left.
Like a shadow,
you follow me room to room.

Walks are still greater than food,
but you are less pickier on the latter.
The glimmer in your eyes
remains bright.
In the evening,
on the couch,
I scratch your neck and your croon.
How does twelve year go so soon?

Lonely

I stopped reaching out.
Then no one reached in.
I began to realize
that I didn’t matter to them.

It’s made me lonely.
Does anyone know me?

I have so many thoughts
that I thought wanted to be shared.
But they just spin in my head.
It feels unfair.

Maybe they will make me crazy.
And I’ll call the voices company.
Everyone would think me strange,
fulfilling an unwanted destiny.
Then at least,
they would think of me?

2A

Smiles and giggles.
Running without looking.
The tallest slide.
The sparkliest shoes.
It’s hard to believe,
you are already two.

Suspicious vegetables.
Delicious fruits.
Master of stairs.
Learning to jump.
Outdoors is your preference,
it has everything you want.

Curious about everything.
Fridge magnet artist.
Coloring is the best.
So many hugs for Sammy
and kisses for booboos.
I love the way you say,
“I love you.”

One More Trip Around the Sun – Cari Cari

Cari Cari’s self-titled song from their third album, One More Trip Around the Sun, has been on my replay lately. The cyclic beat of the drums combined with Alexander Köck’s deep, smoky voice and the smooth dance of the guitar is hard to resist.

Köck and Stephanie Widmer are a musical duo originally from Austria. Per a 2018 Austrian Music Export article, they came together for one goal – to get their music in a Quentin Taratino film. I can’t say that I see this song as a an ultimate for one of Taratino’s violent and messy scenes, but I could see it as a time lapse segue. After all – the song is about how quick and unassuming time passes.

The didgeridoo and jaw harp set the scene with a steady drumming pattern. A  harmonious guitar performs a question and answer. “Hello mama, do you see me?” Köck asks. The verse continues with a conversation with mama, though the narrator is alone. Is it that mama is no longer there but her son still feels her essence, remembering her “tuck[ing] me in and wake[ing] me up?” Or maybe this is a method of releasing stress – talking to ones passed about our current day troubles?

The second the chorus is dropped Widmer’s backing voice comes in like distant overtones. With each “On and on we go” the drums taper and echo off the words. The crash of a gong brings us back into the groove of the verses. The shaker moves into more of a roll.

The narrator is having problems sleeping, feeling “bruised and weakened,” and feeling the sensation of time moving on without being able to fully process it. His state of mind seems to have moved to a more anxious level. Is it the loss of his mother that he is struggling with? Or just feeling the true weight of a year? The drums on this verse pick up an echo, just off the beat. Cymbal crashes and emphatic “heys” sprinkler the lines.

In the last verse, the narrator explains, “Time goes on – all is fleeting / I miss what I had growing up / late night – are you sleeping? / I call but no one’s picking up.” The nostalgic passage of time is a prevalent theme in this one. Is he trying to call his mother? Or someone else that could help console his wondering mind? Is he asking for someone to hold on for one more year or saddened by the future of another passing year? This verse adds yet another drum layer with more random hits and Widmer’s vocals echo off Kock’s.

After the final chorus round, we dip into a more psychedelic feel outro with Widmer’s higher pitched voice, held and layered into a piercing, eerie chord while the background moves forward punched drums (bongos maybe?). The voices cool and swing, dipping into highs and lows while the drums are opposing with sharpness. The ever-persistent shaker is back in for the action with some clapping as well. I like to visualize this section with the rhythm instruments holding a straight, bold line while the organic pieces flutter and rise around it.

What I enjoy about this song is how it continues to build on itself with each verse and chorus, adding small but effective parts that keep it interesting and alive. Cari Cari has a unique sound and some very cool takes with atypical instruments. Take a listen to the song here. Happy listening!

“One More Trip Around the Sun” – Cari Cari

Hello mama, do you see me?
I’m alone but I’m holding up
When I sleep you’re always near me
Tuck me in and wake me up

On and on we go
On and on we go
On and on we go
Another trip around the sun

Wide awake never sleeping
Row my boat below indigo
Lazy bones, bruised and weakened
Time flies and I can’t let it go

Round and round we go
All around we go
On and on we go
One more trip around the sun

Time goes on – all is fleeting
I miss what I had growing up
Late night – are you sleeping?
I call but no one’s picking up

Round and round we go
All around we go
Round and round we go
One last trip around the sun

Excerpt

Farren staggered into the water, his fists dragging the rushing surface. He gritted his teeth and scanned the shore.

“Where are you?” he half yelled into a faded whisper. His throat was raw from all the screaming before.

He unfolded his hands and slammed them down. The water answered with temporary solidness.

Slowly, he sat down after wading to the bank. The rocks felt like pins and needles on his bruised legs.

He didn’t understand what had happened. How did it all sour so quickly? Hundreds of times – he had done this with no inkling of an error. No sign that something was wrong.

The edges of the world in front of him began to fade. Bright flashes of white stained his eyes. The slip had started.

“I’m losing it!” he yelled in a futile attempt. He brought his chin down to his knees, tears formed at the corners of his eyes. “I’m losing it,” he whispered to the ground beneath.

The flickering stopped and his breath caught an edge. His body released backwards as his mind fell into oblivion. The white replaced with a merciless black. So dark, he thought. It’s always so dark.

* * * * * * *

Felix paced the room, swearing on his mother and the spirits. Adne hovered above his brother, her hands seemingly working behind a curtain of long, gray hair. Tia moved between her and the other room, meticulously following the witch’s instruction.

Felix grunted and pushed Adne aside, grabbing Farren’s shoulders and shaking.

“That will not work!” Adne screamed at him, pulling him back, clearly annoyed that he tried brute force again.

Felix ran his hands through his hair and down the sides of his face. He looked sideways, finding Jasper still crouched in the corner chewing his nails. His black curls were a mess and mud still covered half his face.

He let a shiver run through him, attempting to release the fatigue that filled him. Sleep still felt far away.

“Has this happened before?” he asked to the room.

Tia paused, her soft green eyes passing onto his. “No,” she said stiffly, then began again at the mixture she was compounding.

Felix’s mind flipped through the memories of the past few weeks, angling to find something that would have told them to not go back in. A warning that it was their lives at stake this time. Not just a bit of coin.

A heavy gasp filled the room, the kind that ruminates from the pit of the chest and exits with a throaty scratch.

“Yes! There he is!” Adne’s voice was triumphant.

Felix rushed over to see his brother awake, his eyes darting around the room trying to place his bearings. They stop on Felix who gives a slow grin.

“The spirits be bound,” Jasper’s spoke from behind him. “You’re back.”

Absent Shapes

“Happy Valentines Day” –
printed in a frilly font;
blazened on the crisp sheen
of a helium filled balloon.

The heart rotates slowly
in the corner of the room,
half forgotten and flaccid.

I can only sense stillness,
but it never stops moving,
long shadows creep eerily.

How long before it’s flat
and lying on the floor,
joining the heartbroken?

Dire

I am in love with this world,
that’s why it hurts so much
to watch it break.

The warmth is tricking the birds;
they sing songs of spring,
but it’s dead winter.
The ground is crispy;
perfect tinder for a coming
and unwanted glow.

And then there are people,
who can’t fathom kindness
and want it to all burn.
They put cowardly bullets in backs
all while grinning under masks.
Murder is a celebrated trophy
under the pedophile they call king.

What will come of this?
How dire have we let things become.

Strange Weather

The wind gusts
and the scattering echoes of chimes
dance around me.

The sun is low,
stretching shadows of bare limbs
across the sidewalk.

The season is misplaced,
mid-winter is never this warm.
How unfamiliar is the changing sky.
Neither my past or present,
can trace the feeling.

What will the future bring?