Unforeseeable

The things I can’t control
can haunt me beyond belief.
There was nothing I could do.
Utterly useless.
A dead weight.
But to watch as if on agonizing repeat.
There will be no stress release.
Wondering over and over,
cycling the why,
stretching the what ifs,
questioning the should haves,
losing to the I’s and me’s.
A complete self mutiny.

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Just This Morning

I read the sentence three times. Again. Again. Again.

Life-altering injuries.

The words echoed in my head. I desperately sought to form them into something tangible. Something real. But right now they were just words on a paper. What did they mean? How much of life is altered?

My life?

Hers?

I sat the papers down and adjusted my glasses. Comforting was never the right word to describe a hospital waiting room. Stiff purple and black chairs with a grey carpet spotted with small yellow flowers. Sunflowers maybe? The walls were painted a dull white, littered with posters about heart disease and the latest wonder medications. And then one lonely window at the end. The shimmer of leaves moving just at it’s edge.

The soft clicking and murmurs from the nurses station caught my attention. I glance over and notice the surgeon bent over the desk, diligently directing a young woman about something. Every so often the woman quickly looks back at me as he talks. Her eyes feel like two black darts. I move in my seat, feeling the anxiety build once more.

The surgeon had been speaking to me a few minutes before. None of his speech had yet to register as he handed me the papers. My mind kept getting stuck on this morning. When we had both been at home, enjoying breakfast on the deck. The sun glinted on her hair and she was laughing.

What bothered me was I couldn’t remember why she was laughing. Was is something I said? Or her? She was so beautiful when she smiled.

But that moment rolled away as she left to run an errand.

Just going to the store, she said. She was going to plant some peonies today. They were just what they needed to finish the garden we had built up in the past year.

I have yet to see the car. Either of them. I now only what the sheriff told me. Head-on. Her car took the brunt of it. Ambulance to St. Josephs on 12th. They suspect alcohol was involved. The other driver had two priors.

I was screaming when I got to the hospital, at no one in particular. I just wanted to find her. Just the thought of her on a lying on a steel table, under the lights, her body relenting to the damage – it tore at me until my insides were on fire.

They have to let me see her.

I can’t wait.

She needs me.

I pleaded. I yelled. I cried.

I was wrenched with agony. They had seen it all before, I knew, but when you are the one breaking down, it’s hard to control any of it.

She has sustained life-altering injuries.

I shook my head, holding back the pain that once again welled in my chest. More of the surgeons words were coming through. The paper was beginning to make sense.

Shattered.

I held onto that one. Because the sum of this day felt wholly shattered. In seconds, my life was exchanged for another. And my wive’s stolen.

I winced and bent over, gasping for air as I began loudly sobbing once more. A flicker of movement on the edge, as the nursed dashed out to me. Gently, she moved her hand in a circle on my back.

“It’s going to be alright. She’s recovering now. Won’t be more than an hour before you can go back to her. I swear it,” she said.

I turned my head up, my eyes swollen and face aching from the tension. “She just wanted to plant some flowers. And now…n–n–now…n-n…” I stuttered and then stopped, unable to finish.

“It’s alright,” she repeated, “get it all out.”

I took a deep breath, feeling an emptiness rise within me. “And now she’ll never see them. Any of them.”

MYSTIC FALLS

The water’s wild rapids roll like thunder,
over the hidden ledges of rock.
Downwards it plummets,
gushing and swelling.
It’s power shown rampant,
never to be stopped.

Around it,
the air is silenced by the roar.
All things come only to gaze upon it,
stilled by the incredible beauty
and fearful of its vehemence.

Old Tree

Old tree
on the rock,
roots gnarled
twisted, exposed.
How long
have you stood
against the coastal wind
on this precipice
alone?

Imitation Nation

This place is bathed
in consumerism.
Man’s jungle
of neon, metal, and concrete.

The people move like herds.
Oblivious, self-absorbed, and absurd.
Everything is a backdrop
for their perfect
Instagram shots,
additions to Facebook facades,
counterfeit happiness
to list on Twitter feeds.
Why have we let it become
so easy
to completely omit
reality?

Our minds absorbed
and stored
profoundly
under our fingertips and
in the images
we so carefully fabricate
and falsely relate.

Winter Holds On

Stuck in this white cloud
nowhere to go.
The North has been swallowed.

Buried in feet
the land hides below.
Above, we are abandoned
by the sense of what’s known.

Stranded
yet home.
The sky howls
and the cold settles,
sinking even into bones.

SUPERPOSITION – Young the Giant

After being on a 90s binge for over two months, I heard this song on the radio and finally snapped back into the 2010s – kind of. While the song “Superposition” by Young the Giant was released back in August 2018, somehow I had missed this one until March of 2019. It’s the first song on the indie rock quartet’s fourth album, Mirror Master.

So what brought me into the depths of this one? Well – as it is a running theme with me – I loved the feeling it gave me. It started with the syncopation of the snare and then washed over once the ukulele and the deep drags of a synthesized bass joined in. Such polar opposites but it works so well. To describe the feeling, it reminds me of early mornings driving and how sun light starts to flicker across things as you move. But the light is almost horizontal in motion, casting a shadow on the things in front of it but giving ridiculous illumination to everything else. Your driving on a day that you were so excited for yet your whole body is in complete relaxation anticipating it – even if the journey started at five am. Do you what know what I’m talking about?

Well, even if you don’t, I still think you’ll like this song. Let’s dig a little deeper. Sameer starts us off in between Cannata’s picks with “I don’t believe in fate / no physic vision / but when things fall into place / superposition.” So what is superposition? Google Dictionary describes it as “the action of placing one thing on or above another, especially so that they coincide.” In other words, it’s a natural event cause by direct forces which add to one another.

The next line “In any universe / you are my dark star,” introduces another fun scientific term. A dark star is defined by Google as “a starlike object which emits little or no visible light. Its existence is inferred from other evidence, such as the eclipsing of other stars.” Interesting – so kind of like something that can’t be seen until it placed over something else. Like it has to be superposed? Very nice, Young the Giant. Very nice.

Beyond the precise defining of words, there is more to the verses. I feel like the lyrics chosen in this first verse are describing falling in love, but not in a fate sort of way. The universe itself has brought two people together and when they are together, they are a betterment of themselves. Destiny is cast aside; its just how the world works.

Sameer continues a desire for the other to want him back like he wants them, asking to rely on chemistry to create that initial attraction. And if anything keeps them apart, they should  push the obstacles out of the way.

Then the song releases – or at least that’s how it sounds and feels. The la-di-da’s chase the ukulele and we are brought into the another verse, where again the argument of precision and science is made over naive beliefs.

The only significant change in the song’s even pace is when everything drops out aside from the bass drum and a few keyboard clicks with Sameer’s voice saying “No matter what we do / I’ll be there with YOU.” There is a shrill emphasis on the “you” as the bass comes in with a little groove that lasts only a moment as it then settles back into the easy wave.

The lyrics on this one just have so much space and science play to them – so many meanings could be pulled but this is my take from it. Overall, a great song all together that always leaves me feeling happy and relaxed.

Please take a listen of this fantastic tune here and don’t forget to check out the full lyrics below. Perhaps while you watch their music video, you can also ponder whether superposition principles were used to produce it : )

——————————————————————————–

“Superpostion” by Young the Giant

I don’t believe in fate
No psychic vision
But when things fall into place,
superposition
In any universe
you are my dark star

I want you to want me
Why don’t we rely on chemistry?
Why don’t we collide the spaces that divide us?
I want you to want me

Superstition aims with imprecision
But when things can’t be explained,
superposition, oh
In any universe
you are my dark star

I want you to want me
Why don’t we rely on chemistry?
Why don’t we collide the spaces that divide us?
I want you to want me
I want you to want me

No matter what we do
I’ll be there with you!

I want you to want me
Why don’t we rely on chemistry?
Why don’t we collide the spaces that divide us?
I want you to want me